Damn You, Cancer!

More bad news today. Gran's liver is shutting down. I'm not sure I have ever been so full of so many negative emotions at the same time. It's just not fair.

I'm in shock. I'm devastated. I'm heart broken. I'm nauseated. I'm disappointed. I'm scared. I'm lonely. And I'm so angry.

I'm angry at the doctors for not finding it sooner. Theyve should have been real cautious considering she had already been diagnosed. Im angry at this whole disease of cancer. I'm angry at myself because she had told me she was tired and achy, but since those are also side effects of chemo, I didn't think any thing of it. And I'm angry at God. How can he take my Gran away, already? She's supposed to be here forever. She's supposed to be here when we have kids and spoil them rotten she's supposed to see the other 8 grandchildren get married. She has so much life to live. How can he end it now?

I just can't imagine life without my Gran. We are not only grandmother and granddaughter, but we are also very special friends. We talk on a daily basis. We go shopping together when I go home. We always fuss about the bachelor. We have a very special bond and I am just not ready to let go.