It's My Birthday,I'll Cry If I Want To

And cry I did.

It wasn't a bad birthday. I was showered with lots of love from friends, family and colleagues. My team at work celebrated with cupcakes. Anthony bought a cake and flowers and made dinner. I received tons of Facebook messages, texts and calls. My students sang happy birthday to me and showered me with drawings and hugs.

But it wasn't the same. There was no card from Gran. No singing phone call from Gran. No Gran.

I couldn't get past that. All day, my heart longed to hear from Gran again. And that's all I could focus on. I spent most of the day in a major funk and I took it out on poor Anthony.

And honestly, for the first time ever, I am glad my birthday is over. Today was a new day and my heart was a little lighter.

Adapting, Part 2

While life as a military wife hasn't been what I expected, I am so very grateful for what life has been like.

While it was a bit disappointing that military life hasn't even taken us out of the state of Texas, I am glad we have remained a short drive from family throughout these past years. We have lost 2 grandparents, a niece, and a dog. We were very lucky to be able to make the short drive to be with family during these times.

And while making friends was a bit challenging at first, we have made some amazing friends over the years. They are friends that have been there as we have lost loved ones and any time I am in need.

But most importantly, I have grown since we moved here. I have learned to be independent, as Anthony isn't always here. I have learned to deal with the yucky stuff like bugs and car problems, and the more serious harder stuff like cancer and death. I have learned to lean on my husband and to rely on him.

But most importantly, I have learned that I can and will get through it with God by my side.

Adapting

It has been three years since I left my job, my friends, and pretty much everything I knew and truly began living the life of a military wife.

It hasn't been anything like I expected. I expected that we would move across the country, or even to the other side of the world. I envisioned a very tight knit community of military. I thought making friends would be easy.

Instead, we moved a few hours away and didn't leave the state. While we are close with some of the families that Anthony works with, I wouldn't go as far as saying everyone is tight knit. And making friends took a long time and wasn't easy. We all live different lives with different schedules. We don't get together very often as a group. And it's hard to make plans when your husband works every other day.

While it wasn't exactly what I expected, and it has been a hard 3 years, these three years have been three of the most important years of our lives full of memories and new friends!

For those of you that are military wives, was it what you expected?

Spring Break 2012

Spring break is officially underway! 

I have been counting down the days until this week finally arrived.  I really needed the break.  I'm not going anywhere or doing anything exciting. 

So far, Mom and Dad have come into town for the weekend.  Mom and I did lots of shopping.  I tried out several new recipes.  We did lots of visiting.  And the puppies did a lot of playing.

Speaking of recipes, you should try these cilantro lime tilapia tacos.  And on that note, I am completely in love with skinnytaste.com.  She has so many amazing looking recipes!



I also made these AMAZING Rolo chocolate chip cookies.  We have eaten 3/4 of the cookies already.  They are a bit time consuming, so don't make them if you are in a hurry.  But, they are definately worth the effort!

The rest of spring break consists of crossing things off my amazingly fun to do list and St. Patty's Day party on Saturday.  What are you up to this week?



32 days

Gran has been in heaven for 32 days. As is expected, I have good days and I have bad days. I have days that I think of things she used to say or do and just smile. Other days, that laughter turns to tears. Gran was such a special person to me. And I was equally as special to her. You see, she had 3 sons. She really wanted a girl. I was her first grandchild and I was a girl. A double whammy! Can you say spoiled?!

I grew up spending the night at her house on a regular basis. And if I wanted to go home in the middle of the night, she took me. When I was about 10, she had an above ground pool put in. She would always let me come and swim and have friends over. And she always hadmy favorite snacks. When I started cheering in junior high, she never missed a event. She was at every pep rally when I was a varsity cheerleader. She was my number 1 fan. In college, we talked regularly. She even came and stayed a few times. When I got married, she danced the night away and my wedding. She was so happy and proud. And the love she had for me, was also extended to Anthony. And even though I was married, our phone calls never stopped. We talked at least 4 times a week. She looked forward to every visit home I made and even made a few visits to visit me. She was such an important part of my life. We had such a special bond that most don't share with their grandparents. I feel so blessed, but so empty too.

When Gran passed and we wrote her obituary, we asked that in leau of flowers donations be made to a local organization for breast cancer survivors. I knew gran would prefer that as she really didnt care for flowers. They are using some of that money to purchase books for survivors at their next retreat. They have asked mom and I to write in them. I am so honored. Gran would love it!

Craz-E

My kids have been nuts this week! A cold front came through yesterday and the moon is full. Each of those in itself can lead to a crazy day. But the two, together, equals insanity.

Even the kids have noticed. Today, the had an assignment to come up with a way to describe the children in our class.

This one was right on!

Goodbye

Gran took her last breath on January 22. The cancer had taken over her liver and it completely shut down. We had gotten home the day before and were able to spenda good bit of the day with her. She was unconcious though. I have to say, it made it a bit easier. She was no longer the smiling, feisty Gran that I grew up with and loved so much. It was time for her to go Home.

While I knew how great she was and loved her so much, I didnt realize just how many lives she touched. The out pouring of food was amazing. We had more food than we could possibly eat. Afamily night was held on Tuesday, January 24. A huge downpour started just as we arrived. I figured that many people would stay home. I was wrong. People stood in line for an hour. There were so many people. I know she never wouldhave stood in that line. She either would have cut in line or left. That was just her. The rain continued all night and into Wednesday. But just before the funeral, it stopped. I'm pretty convinced she kept complaining about the rain until God had had enough. Her service was amazing. She was so well known and loved that it had to be held at the largest Church in town. There were so many lovely plants and flower arrangements. While she will be missed dearly, it was a celebration of her life here on earth and her new life in Heaven.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. And miss her with all I have. I just want to be able to pick up the phone and talk to her about the bachelor or text her a picture of Sam. And in a sense, it seems like I should be able to. It all happened so fast (3weeks) that it still hasn't completely set in.

I know one day I will see her again. Until then, I will hang on to all the special memories and know she is always here with me.