Spring Break 2012

Spring break is officially underway! 

I have been counting down the days until this week finally arrived.  I really needed the break.  I'm not going anywhere or doing anything exciting. 

So far, Mom and Dad have come into town for the weekend.  Mom and I did lots of shopping.  I tried out several new recipes.  We did lots of visiting.  And the puppies did a lot of playing.

Speaking of recipes, you should try these cilantro lime tilapia tacos.  And on that note, I am completely in love with skinnytaste.com.  She has so many amazing looking recipes!



I also made these AMAZING Rolo chocolate chip cookies.  We have eaten 3/4 of the cookies already.  They are a bit time consuming, so don't make them if you are in a hurry.  But, they are definately worth the effort!

The rest of spring break consists of crossing things off my amazingly fun to do list and St. Patty's Day party on Saturday.  What are you up to this week?



32 days

Gran has been in heaven for 32 days. As is expected, I have good days and I have bad days. I have days that I think of things she used to say or do and just smile. Other days, that laughter turns to tears. Gran was such a special person to me. And I was equally as special to her. You see, she had 3 sons. She really wanted a girl. I was her first grandchild and I was a girl. A double whammy! Can you say spoiled?!

I grew up spending the night at her house on a regular basis. And if I wanted to go home in the middle of the night, she took me. When I was about 10, she had an above ground pool put in. She would always let me come and swim and have friends over. And she always hadmy favorite snacks. When I started cheering in junior high, she never missed a event. She was at every pep rally when I was a varsity cheerleader. She was my number 1 fan. In college, we talked regularly. She even came and stayed a few times. When I got married, she danced the night away and my wedding. She was so happy and proud. And the love she had for me, was also extended to Anthony. And even though I was married, our phone calls never stopped. We talked at least 4 times a week. She looked forward to every visit home I made and even made a few visits to visit me. She was such an important part of my life. We had such a special bond that most don't share with their grandparents. I feel so blessed, but so empty too.

When Gran passed and we wrote her obituary, we asked that in leau of flowers donations be made to a local organization for breast cancer survivors. I knew gran would prefer that as she really didnt care for flowers. They are using some of that money to purchase books for survivors at their next retreat. They have asked mom and I to write in them. I am so honored. Gran would love it!

Craz-E

My kids have been nuts this week! A cold front came through yesterday and the moon is full. Each of those in itself can lead to a crazy day. But the two, together, equals insanity.

Even the kids have noticed. Today, the had an assignment to come up with a way to describe the children in our class.

This one was right on!

Goodbye

Gran took her last breath on January 22. The cancer had taken over her liver and it completely shut down. We had gotten home the day before and were able to spenda good bit of the day with her. She was unconcious though. I have to say, it made it a bit easier. She was no longer the smiling, feisty Gran that I grew up with and loved so much. It was time for her to go Home.

While I knew how great she was and loved her so much, I didnt realize just how many lives she touched. The out pouring of food was amazing. We had more food than we could possibly eat. Afamily night was held on Tuesday, January 24. A huge downpour started just as we arrived. I figured that many people would stay home. I was wrong. People stood in line for an hour. There were so many people. I know she never wouldhave stood in that line. She either would have cut in line or left. That was just her. The rain continued all night and into Wednesday. But just before the funeral, it stopped. I'm pretty convinced she kept complaining about the rain until God had had enough. Her service was amazing. She was so well known and loved that it had to be held at the largest Church in town. There were so many lovely plants and flower arrangements. While she will be missed dearly, it was a celebration of her life here on earth and her new life in Heaven.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. And miss her with all I have. I just want to be able to pick up the phone and talk to her about the bachelor or text her a picture of Sam. And in a sense, it seems like I should be able to. It all happened so fast (3weeks) that it still hasn't completely set in.

I know one day I will see her again. Until then, I will hang on to all the special memories and know she is always here with me.

Damn You, Cancer!

More bad news today. Gran's liver is shutting down. I'm not sure I have ever been so full of so many negative emotions at the same time. It's just not fair.

I'm in shock. I'm devastated. I'm heart broken. I'm nauseated. I'm disappointed. I'm scared. I'm lonely. And I'm so angry.

I'm angry at the doctors for not finding it sooner. Theyve should have been real cautious considering she had already been diagnosed. Im angry at this whole disease of cancer. I'm angry at myself because she had told me she was tired and achy, but since those are also side effects of chemo, I didn't think any thing of it. And I'm angry at God. How can he take my Gran away, already? She's supposed to be here forever. She's supposed to be here when we have kids and spoil them rotten she's supposed to see the other 8 grandchildren get married. She has so much life to live. How can he end it now?

I just can't imagine life without my Gran. We are not only grandmother and granddaughter, but we are also very special friends. We talk on a daily basis. We go shopping together when I go home. We always fuss about the bachelor. We have a very special bond and I am just not ready to let go.

Growing Up

We spend the first 21 years of our life wishing we were a grown up. We can't wait to be an adult and to be on our own. I was one of those people.

Then, we become an adults and life isn't what we expected. It's not as easy as we thought. There are bills, difficult decisions and responsibilities.

Today is one of those days that I really felt like a grown up. I also have found myself wishing that I was a naive 7 year old without a care in the world. I wish I could crawl up in my mamas lap and cry. I wish I didn't understand.

But, I am an adult. I know what is going on. I have found myself today being a caregiver to both my dad, and to Gran. I have also found out some very devastating news.

Dad is perfectly fine, just had a colonoscopy. But, for the first time, I was the only one in the waiting room. I was the one that the doctor spoke with. I was the one that took him home. It was new role for me, one that made me question what my life will be like as my parents continue to age.

Gran, on the other hand, is not doing well. They have added another chemo drug in hopes of making a difference. We must see progress soon, or we may not win the battle. My heart aches. As I care for my Gran, I see a whole different person. She still has her spunk, but she's just not the same. She's sick. I know that it's not just the chemo that we need to work. I know that God is the one in control. So, if you are the praying type, I ask that you pray for God to heal Gran.

So, for now, I have my big girl panties on and I'm holding back tears. I'm cherishing ever second I can while I am with my Gran. And I'm praying and having faith that God WILL heal.

Gran and her Sam

Christmas Update

Well, Christmas might have been 2 weeks ago.  But, I finally am sitting down to do a quick recap. 

We were very lucky this year to be able to spend a full week visiting family.  Thursday morning when Anthony got off work, we loaded up the car (think we might need a bigger car if we have a child, or another dog) and headed home.  We started off with my family.  And I was so excited.  We had a big surprise in store for Gran.  She had mentioned that she wanted a new chair for Christmas.  So, we took her to the furniture store when we were home at Thanksgiving to pick out her chair.  Well, while we were looking, she decided she might want a new couch, too.  Well, with some convincing, she decided to wait on the couch.  But, without her knowing, we went and ordered the couch and 2 chairs for her.  I couldn't wait to surprise her.  Anthony and I took her out to dinner and when we took her home, the new furniture and all of her family was there.  It was the best moment.  She was so surprised and so happy.  I didn't think to get a picture of the couch and chairs, but here are a couple from Christmas Eve.

Like I said before, I spent a lot of time with Gran while I was at home.  We made two trips to Walmart, I learned how to peel celery, and I helped her wrap a couple gifts.  Every year, on Christmas Eve night, we meet at Gran's house for dinner and gifts, and this year as no different.  It was, however, so much more special.  We realized just how lucky we are to have our Gran.  

Gran's Tree

My Gran and I

Anthony and I at Gran's

This year, all of the cousins drew names and bought a gift for each other.  This was the first year that we have done this.  My brother thought he would be funny and wrap my cousin's gift in multiple boxes, a whole roll of duck tape, and Saran wrap.  Well, someone leaked his "secret" and most everyone's gift included multiple boxes or duck tape. 

James opening his gift.

James's gift wrapping

My cousin Lane opening his gift from James

We spent the night at Mom and Dad's and woke up for gifts from Santa.  Santa was very good to us all this year!  Christmas Day, Mom's brother and his family come over to our house for lunch and gifts.  I have to say, this is my favorite holiday meal.  My mom was a Home Ec. teacher for 17 years, so she makes everything from scratch.  I hope someday to learn how to prepare this meal like she does.  We always have smoked turkey (she actually buys this from a man she works with, but it is amazing), broccoli rice casserole, sweet potato casserole, macaroni and cheese, homemade rolls and pecan pie.  She has a few other things, but these are my favorites!  I should have gotten a picture, but I couldn't wait to dig in!

Our family on Christmas Day

The day after Christmas, we met up with Anthony's family for lunch, gifts and visiting.  We are really excited because next year, there will be a new addition to this side of the family!  We are also hoping that next year we will live closer to home and can start a new tradition in our own place.

Rylie hopes so, too.  All of the Christmas excitement wore her out!