We spend the first 21 years of our life wishing we were a grown up. We can't wait to be an adult and to be on our own. I was one of those people.
Then, we become an adults and life isn't what we expected. It's not as easy as we thought. There are bills, difficult decisions and responsibilities.
Today is one of those days that I really felt like a grown up. I also have found myself wishing that I was a naive 7 year old without a care in the world. I wish I could crawl up in my mamas lap and cry. I wish I didn't understand.
But, I am an adult. I know what is going on. I have found myself today being a caregiver to both my dad, and to Gran. I have also found out some very devastating news.
Dad is perfectly fine, just had a colonoscopy. But, for the first time, I was the only one in the waiting room. I was the one that the doctor spoke with. I was the one that took him home. It was new role for me, one that made me question what my life will be like as my parents continue to age.
Gran, on the other hand, is not doing well. They have added another chemo drug in hopes of making a difference. We must see progress soon, or we may not win the battle. My heart aches. As I care for my Gran, I see a whole different person. She still has her spunk, but she's just not the same. She's sick. I know that it's not just the chemo that we need to work. I know that God is the one in control. So, if you are the praying type, I ask that you pray for God to heal Gran.
So, for now, I have my big girl panties on and I'm holding back tears. I'm cherishing ever second I can while I am with my Gran. And I'm praying and having faith that God WILL heal.
5 weeks ago