Sadness

Today was the last day of school.  I have completed five years of teaching.  Most years, when this day arrives I am full of excitement.  While I'm a bit excited, I am more sad.  I am really going to miss this group.

I have spent two years with many of these children.  And while the days and weeks may have been rough, I have never stopped loving or believing in them.  I have taught my babies how to read and write, how to add and subtract.  Now it is time for them to move on and learn more, but I am like a Mama who doesn't want to let go. 

Not only is it hard to let go, but I also worry about my kids this summer.  I worry that they won't read enough and will lose what they've learned.  I worry they won't have enough food to eat.  I worry that they won't get the love they need.  I worry about how they will be treated at home.  During the school year, I am able to show them that I care and make sure they get breakfast and lunch, but when they are home, I cannot.  This has always been what I have found most difficult about being a teacher.  It doesn't matter how great a teacher is, she can not change the home life of her students.

At the end of the day, I was getting particulary sad about having to say goodbye.  The little boy that I've mentioned before that hated my clouds and couldn't talk to me because I was a stranger came up to my table.  He said "That's why you are a special teacher."  Unsure of what made me special, I asked.  "You are special because you let us do stuff."  Hearing a student tell me I was a special teacher made my day and my year.  It made every difficult day worth it.