Wednesday, October 7, 2009

I'm My Own Worst Enemy

I've heard the whole thing about being your own worst enemy and never really thought about it.  Until today.  It became real.  I'm having a hard time with teaching kindergarten.  I'm not really loving it.  I know part of it is that it's hard for me to adjust to working with 5 year olds.  But I knew there was more to it than that.  I just couldn't figure it out.  Then it hit me.

I absolutely HATE that I am not good at what I am doing.  I was not the best teacher, but I was really pretty good at teaching second grade.  My kids made lots of progress.  They were almost always on task.  They listened to me.  I really was confident in myself as a teacher.  Well, not any more.  I have no confidence in myself right now as a kindergarten teacher.  And that, for me, is very hard.  I am very critical of myself.  Quite a perfectionist actually.  And now that I am not good at something and it's something I can't just quit doing (like all sports) I don't like it!  At all!

I realize it will get better.  And I realize that with time that hopefully my students will listen to me and do what I ask.  And I know that the more I teach kindergarten the more confident I will be. 

But right now, I'm not liking myself.  I'm not liking not being good at teaching my students.  And it's getting to me.


AF Recruiters Wife said...

Sucky! I'm sorry... you just have to remember, that your second graders had two years of practice being in a classroom environment, and listening, and working together. You're breaking them of all their 'bad habits' they picked up at preschool or home with Mom- because lets face it, some actions they used to do, just aren't acceptable. Sorry it has been a rough couple of weeks. I hope that the little 'munchkins' start shaping up! :)

Steph said...

Awww. It will get better. I'm sure it is very hard teaching 5 year old because they are still very new to school. Just keep smiling and keep you chin up and it will get better.

*kimmie* said...

I love you!

ed1 said...

To teach children of that age is difficult. You are involved in their development as a child. Men do not want to really get involved in that part of teaching because they are fully aware that any wrong actions will have a huge effect on them as adults. I order to be loved as a teacher you MUST be respected. No one else wants to step up to this challenge of THE most important years of any person’s life. You are not teaching them complex maths or Physics you are bold enough to teach them RIGHT FORM WRONG. If only half on the worlds politicians had your teaching when they were in the first few years of schooling perhaps the world maybe a better place.
Ed in Uk