Monday, April 26, 2010

XX Days to Go

We're not really sure how much longer until Anthony leaves for his deployment.  All we have is a window.  It could be 20 days from now, it could be a month.  We don't know.  He doesn't even have his orders.  Ahh!!!

It just hit me though that it's coming up pretty soon.  And the way things are flying by, I'm sure  it will be here before I know it.  Right now, I'm okay with it.  Don't get me wrong, I'd much rather have him here with me, but I know what he signed up for and I know that by marrying him, I signed up for it too. 

I've read about other wives going through various stages before their husband leaves and I've gone through my own stages too.  For the past 3 or 4 weeks, I've been mean to him.  I've had a lot of anger.  I'm not sure it all had to do with him, I'm sure part of it had to do with my stomach issues.  Regardless of why, I was mean.  He asked me numerous times if I still liked him.  Looking back on it, I feel bad for being so mean, and I've said my appologies.

That's slowly started to change into clingy.  I want to spend every possible minute I can with him.  I know I don't have much time until he leaves, so I'm charishing every second with him.  Even if that means he's laying in bed playing on his laptop watching tv while I try to sleep.  I wonder what I'll go through next.

What stages did you go through?


Jessica Lynn said...

Yup, I definitely got mad at him—and I couldn't even blame it on PMS. Then I got very domestic and needed him to clean every thing. After that I got clingy and then the water works came.

It's true what they say: The anticipation of them leaving is one of the hardest parts.

How long will he be gone?

Christa said...

We always fight before he leaves. I don't know what it is about impending deployments that brings out the beast in me.

Right before he leaves I finally accept it. Then once he finally gets on that plane I feel relieved. I know it sounds weird but, all that nervous anticipation builds until I pop....then relief...the count down can begin.

After he is gone I feel lost for a while. It takes several weeks before I can sleep at night.

About a month into the deployment I start to feel empowered. My strength kicks in and we (the kids and I) get down to business as usual and things get back to a new normal with out Dad around.

I don't know if any of this helps but that is what I usually go through.

I am so glad I found your blog. I look forward to following you on your journey as an Air Force wife.

d.a.r. said...

Yep, sounds about normal. You are totally pissed at the military, fate, etc. and there is no one to take it out on, so your husband is the lucky target. Totally normal. We always fight before he leaves. My stages seem to go: sad/cry/whine, anger and pick stupid fights, sad/cry/whine, then withdrawal and emotional barricades where I completely shut him out.

The waiting for him to leave seems to be the worst.

Hang in there!

Tara G. said...

Bless your heart. Been there, done that. I think Jessica is right- the anticipation and heightened emotions plus the complication of not knowing an exact date just make for an edgy time. Do some fun things together and make some good memories. And have a plan for yourself to get out with other wives while he is gone. Be creative as it'll help the time go by faster. He needs you to be ok at home so he can be ok and stay focused and safe there. And feel free to e-mail anytime if you need an ear. Sometimes non-military just don't get it as hard as they try. Blessings on you both.
Tara G.- another AF wife :)